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July 7, 2011 / windlessly

Almost losing a friend… the numbing sorrow

There are midsummer nights, and then there are nights of utter immoblization. 

I experienced one the other day after receiving a phone call from a very dear friend, realizing that everything between us could be over. I ended the call and just stared out the porch window, watching the trees in my backyard, the red sparrow that flew across my line of sight, the rippling grass, the clouds. And just not… appreciating any of it. My heart rate was steady and I was taking measured breaths, but my mind was struggling over the consequences of what had just happened. It was a moment of dread, fear, regret, and all those other emotions that come with misunderstanding and conflict: emotions we’ve all experienced before. 
My mind was just processing everything that had happened, and for a few minutes as I was sitting there, I felt numb to the rest of the world. Ever get that feeling where nothing else in the world matters for a few seconds and you’re just… thinking? And then struggling to get back into your daily life, to get your mind off things, to get back to whatever you were doing before that phone call, but just can’t?
I guess life needs both joy and sorrow. If your life was a movie, something like “How to Save a Life” by the Fray would be playing in the background. Life isn’t perfect, but sometimes that pain and sadness is hard to overcome in just one night. 
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2 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Anonymous / Aug 7 2011 1:13 pm

    know exactly what you mean. Having those kinda times aren't fun ;[

  2. a.lee / Aug 13 2011 9:34 pm

    agreed =[ thankfully that friend came back to me, but it's still sad to think of those that haven't

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