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August 20, 2012 / windlessly

Taiwan Travels: Day 38.9

It’s always in the last fleeting moments of anything that you feel what’s truly been in your heart. These past few days have been filled with grateful acquisitions, stuffy formalities, obligatory actions… to the point where I was tired enough to want to just escape. But in watching my aunt and uncle walk away, feeling alone as I go through security at the airport, realizing that I have no idea how long it will be until I come back, I still feel an inseparable sadness that is innate with closure. It is done, it is finished, but it is sad. The happier the moments felt before, the more real and exotic the joy, the darker the absence of that joy feels. I think I am quite ready to move on, and yet still- part of me yearns for the lifestyle of these past 5 weeks. Part of me wishes not to let go, to hold onto these memories for dear life. The emptiness will gnaw at me throughout the plane ride, the hollowness of dreams compared to the real thing. I want only to see all the people I met this trip again, the people who have touched my life in such a short period of time. A thought, a song, a picture- any of these will trigger an avalanche of memories. I guess all good things do have to come to an end. If they didn’t, then they by comparison would no longer be good. This seems to be the first sentimental and deep-thinking post I’ve had all of these days… it could be that I’m tired, or vacation sick, or just weary from emotion. I don’t know if I can finish my words. I’m trying to find some big, grandiose resolution to my “Taiwan Travels” series but I think it’s fitting that, like my departure from here, the ending appears much more subtly. Life goes on.

So I’m at the airport, waiting at the gate, and I see a clever reminder of the reason I was able to come to Taiwan in the first place. Departing from Taipei to San Francisco on August the 7th, I spied a passenger carrying a blue AID tote bag. And that in itself is enough to bring me to smile. So many awesome times!! From our spirit guide during orientation to our last day on the roof, it’s been SO real with everyone.

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